STORY TIME: It was Valentine's Day last year. I was so excited that I was going to have a boyfriend this time, but then we took a break on February 11. I asked for it because I realized that being by myself was so much better than actually being in a relationship where my sanity was being tested every day. And we officially broke up a month after that because even though we both didn’t want it; I knew I didn’t want to stay in the relationship if he hadn’t changed. And I had to heal. I knew that I didn’t want the part of me that wants to ignore the pain to win, so I sought out a better way to move on.
ANOTHER STORY: I was talking to my friend, and she had a major crush on one of our best friends, and when we tried to get them together, he said he wasn’t attracted to her, and therefore didn’t want to ruin the friendship. Obviously, it stung, and when we were talking more deeply about it, she said she doesn’t really know how to even move on, because he wasn’t interested in the first place, but somehow it still really hurts. “I think one thing that really hurts about it is all the what-ifs. We have very imaginative minds and the constant wondering of what it could have been is what really hurts from situationships and that’s why I think this feels hard to move on from."
People need to heal from those too, and I might have an idea on how to do so.
Let's do it!! This plan will be fast, but the period it takes to do this will be long or will vary. Take your time in each of these steps and run it back until you are fully healed. Always rooting for you.
Cut off contact with whoever they are. You are not going to heal when you're in the same place you just got cut. Give yourself a break from talking to them so you are not manipulated by your feelings that maybe this time it will work.
Recognize your pain. We all hate feeling the pain and we look for ways to numb it, and while it helps short term, it doesn’t help you. The saying “you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut,” yeah, that’s what happens when you pretend it doesn't hurt. It will suck right now, but it will begin to feel better.
Feel the pain, the rejection and the hurt. Cry, listen to sad music, watch sad movies. Do not numb it with alcohol or sleeping with someone new but let yourself have a good cry.
Accept that it’s over. Do not spend hours on end replaying what used to be, or what could have been. Do not let your mind wander into different moments in your relationship trying to fix what is already over. Accept it is over so you can really move on.
Find an emotional release. While you cry, find an emotional release, like working out or journalling, or listening to music, or any of your favorite hobbies. Find a sanctuary for your feelings.
Find your story. See, this is important because if we let the story tell itself we lose power or sight of what the story was supposed to do to us. Position yourself in a place of strength, instead of hopelessness and defeat. You might feel that way, but you can find a way to tell the story from the angle of it being an experience you grew from.
Self-care. Remind yourself what it is like to feel loved. Know you are always at least loved by one person: the creator of the universe. The second person can be you. Remind yourself what it is to feel loved, and even better, we have compiled a list of things you can do to take care of yourself.
Pay attention to your thoughts. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. When it is over and you are moving on, pay attention to what you feel and what you think about. Make sure nothing is a reaction to being hurt. Don’t let your mind make you take the blame for the failed relationship, or don’t let yourself feel like crap because of a crappy situationship. Take care of your mind.
Start to have fun again. Do things that make you happy again. Go out with friends. Watch the sunsets. Drive with no destination in mind. Lay on the grass. Breathe in deeper. Go dancing and do all the things you know have always made you smile.
Finally, do not rush into a relationship or get rid of them forever. Learn from the past and know what you want with more clarity. Do not abstain from relationships because you don't want to get hurt. Don’t build high walls, but also do not be accessible to people who do not have the intention of going the distance. Let your heart remain breakable, but never by the same hand twice.
I hope you guys use this short guide to heal and feel better; be better. Always rooting for you Lunas!
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