I remember being on a flight last year. I passively listened to the safety instructions, but this time it was a little different. I sat next to this girl that was absolutely terrified about flying since it was her first time. It kind of got to me too so I was like, “I need to really listen for the both of us in case something happens.” They always tell you, put on your mask, and then help someone else put on their mask and now I know why they tell you to help yourself first, then someone else. The only reason I was listening this time was because of her, I didn’t want her to go down when really, I should have been listening for the both of us so both of us don't go down. (We didn’t go down, but my mind wanders.)
Some of us are natural caretakers and wanting to care for someone is so much more natural than caring for ourselves. I find it hard to say no, even when I know I can barely find the time and the energy to do it. However, I have been reminding myself that you cannot pour from an empty cup, and that means that in our lives, self care is supposed to be built into our lifestyle so we can have a ‘tune-up’ or we always be the better version of ourselves.
So, now we know that it is necessary: is it selfish? And more importantly, is it a superficial requirement of society? The answer to those is… it really depends.
To be the better version of yourself, you have to put in the time to really grow. Which means taking care of your heart, your soul, your mind, and body. You know what happens to a leaky pipe in the bathroom when it is ignored? Or a broken engine when you do not take it to get serviced? You end up with busted pipes and a dead engine. It is the same thing with us. The more we ignore our problems, our “red flags”, or our trauma, the more they break us, and we eventually end up as hurting adults trapped inside toxic cycles poorly dealing with our childhood trauma.
Okay, how can that not be selfish though? Because, we do it with the intention to care for ourselves, and not to harm others. Selfish people think it is superfluous to care about people, while getting into the habit of self-care makes you better so you can be better for others. Being selfish means doing things with zero regards and consideration to all the people around you. Real self-care is taking care of yourself, so you do not bleed on the people who didn’t cut you.
Lastly, real self-care isn’t superficial. This is summarized beautifully in the following quote by Brianna Wiest.
"True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don't need to regularly escape from,” Brianna Wiest.
Often, true self care is about doing ALL the things you really don't want to do. It isn’t always mani padi’s, and shopping and spas (and don’t get me wrong, those are good things) but real self care caters to your soul and mind, and heart as well. It could be going to therapy, working through trauma, sitting with yourself and setting goals so you cannot be lazy anymore. That is real self-care, ladies and gents. :)
I have included links to different blog posts that have different self-care tips and examples that are real and will help you get where you need to go.
Always rooting for you, Lunas!
https://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2023/01/this-is-what-self-care-really-means-because-its-not-all-salt-baths-and-chocolate-cake/ - more about how to indulge in real self care.
This is What Real Self-Care Looks Like - See Mama Go - some self-care tips
https://www.womansday.com/health-fitness/wellness/g32619113/self-care-ideas/ - some more self care ideas.
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