You ruined my Sundays in December
And I’m listening to my two friends make jokes,
Lights reflecting their glowing eyes and faces.
And I know the joke is funny,
But I’m standing next to them on the street,
Wondering when you’ll come back home to me.
I know buying street food with my friends is my favorite hobby,
But your absence has ruined that too.
I’m watching cars pass me by and I say silent prayers to God that one of them has you in it.
You’re ruining my days and I only have me to blame cause I’m letting you.
In my head, I think it’s foolish to hold on but in my heart it feels hopeful to not let go.
My friends all say different things about you,
that I should let go to hold on and I don’t know what it means,
But I know not letting you go is hurting me.
I'm on this rollercoaster with every word you say and everything you do,
I'm getting dizzy but if I stop I'll lose you.
How do you know when to hold on and when to let go?
Lafayette Avenue
And I sat across the room wishing to read your mind,
Do you love me? Do you love me not?
Is it fear that’s keeping you from giving me all of you
Or do you not care enough, do you not see me worth anything?
I spend all our time wishing I could read your mind,
Then I spend the rest of my time wondering if I did, would I be able to handle the truth?
And after that thought I knew;
It’s not that I didn’t know what was on your mind, I just didn’t want to accept.
People will call it denial, I’ll call it hope.
Maybe one day you’ll see me and feel me the same way I see and feel you.
That’s why I’m still holding on to this one thin strand of hope even when all of me knows that I need to let go.
Do I never learn? Or do I not love myself enough to save me from this pain?
And sometimes in the middle of the night I wonder,
Do I still cross your mind?
Do you look at fireworks and remember my name?
Does your imagination run around building castles from wishes of what we could have been if we hadn’t let go so easily?
I’m not sad that you’re gone,
I don’t mourn because of the presence of your absence,
It just breaks my heart that I have to add you to the list of things that I couldn’t make stay.
And I wanted you tattooed in my life forever.
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