When someone leaves
There’s a conversation we had in the snow. There’s a love that will be buried deep when the snow melts. I knew what I was doing when I started to love you. I never knew what it would ever be like to be loved by you.
“But you said you’ll never love anyone ever.”
“I know, but I also know that when I look at you I want to be good to you for the rest of my life ”
And even though that love is over, and dusted, It kept me warm in the frozen December winters.
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You sent a message, you sent the hearts.
You sent the money, you played the cards.
You took the pictures, we lit up the Christmas tree.
And you liked me enough to try and get me. But you never loved me enough to stay.
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All the dead trees outside our window
And it’s cold again, I’m freezing from the silence
And my phone suggests to text and call you all the time
How can I blame it when you’re all I breathed?
You’re my blank wall, a stranger whose heartbeat I once knew
What do you do with the pictures?
There’s holes in my wall
Our love story is the colorful leaves falling to the ground
This is what happens when somebody leaves when all the other wanted to do was stay.
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Do you think God would fight for our souls to be together again?
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16 months later, we met on the street.
"Were you sad when we ended?" you asked and I knew what you wanted to hear, because I recognized the sadness in you.
"No, I was okay when we ended it. It was a relief when it ended, I guess because I didn't have to spend my days wondering whether you cared about me. I was sad, just not after. Mostly towards the end. When I felt you slip away. When I felt you caring less and less about me when I wanted to stay. "
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"I didn't mind sitting in your sadness with you. I just wanted you to want to come up for air once in a while and revel in joy with me, once it a while."
The words I would say to my EMO ex boyfriend.
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Maybe when we talked of forever, he meant in my memories, never his presence.
Maybe when he meant loved, he meant a strong attraction to something that holds your attention for a little while before letting it go for something fancier.
Maybe when he said he will always be here, he meant his ghost haunting me.
Maybe he never meant any of that at all.
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Isn't it tragical how painful chasing something as beautiful as love can be?
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