CHAPTER ONE : I WILL NEVER BE A SAINT.
ISLA’S POV
“Control your anger, don’t let your anger control you.” Mother to me, every morning.
I stared at the silver door knob for a second. I hope this time it will be different. I really hope it’s going to be different. I took a deep breath and turned the doorknob and walked into class. Everyone was there. Forty-two eyes staring at me, I stopped and looked around for a seat. My teacher placed her book on the table, lowered her head and glared at me through the space between her face and glasses. I looked back at her, hands in my pocket, my backpack hanging from my left shoulder.
“What are you...” She started but was cut off by a voice in the back.
“There is a seat right here.” A boy, one seat from the back said as he pointed at the empty desk behind him. I looked at him. He was already looking at me. He then offered me a small smile as I walked to the empty desk. I just walked by him, not fully smiling back. I threw myself on the desk, dropped my backpack and sighed as I took out my laptop. My teacher, Mrs. Cornelia, was still glaring at me. I looked straight at her and offered a small smile at which she rolled her eyes and then sat down on her desk. I felt the edges of my laptop with my ring finger. Over and over again. I looked up at her and she was still glaring at me, together with everyone else except Mason Baker. The boy who showed me this seat.
“Discuss amongst yourselves what I’ve just taught, I’ll be back soon, and do not do anything else.” She sternly said, still looking at me before she got up and left.
I laid my head on the back of my chair and stared at the bright white ceiling. Do not cry. Do not cry. Do not cry. I told myself as tears started to fill up my eyes. I covered my face with my hands and tried to ease my breathing.
“I admire your courage.” I heard Mason say. I removed my hands from my face to look at him. He was already facing me. He still had that cheesy smile he always had and the silver necklace I gave him for his birthday two years ago. When everyone else was staring, glaring at me, he always looked at me differently. It felt different. I felt like he always somehow understood what I was going through even though he wouldn’t.
“I don’t, I should have never come back to this place. I was so stupid to think that everyone would treat me differently than they did, or they would have at least forgotten what happened. I should never have come back.” I ranted to him as he looked at me, smiling pitifully.
He reached out with his left hand, placed his thumb on my cheek and wiped a tear that had escaped.
“So, why did you come back?” he asked, his hand still on my cheek.
I stared at him for a minute. His perfectly brushed hair, his high cheekbones and his beautiful face. He had the most amazing smile. He had a perfect set of white teeth and the greenest emerald eyes ever. It was impossible for someone to be this perfect, but yet, here he was, and he chose me.
“Do you ever ...?” I stopped when the door opened, revealing Mrs. Cornelia.
“No, no I don’t.” Mason said as he turned, his hand dropping off my face onto my arm, gently rubbing against it before he faced forward.
He always knows what to say. I thought to myself as a tiny smile found its way onto my face.
“Class dismissed, go to assembly.” Mrs. Cornelia said as she picked up her books and started to walk out. She threw a few glances at me before banging the door as she left.
“You should always show up to class if she’s going to release us forty-five minutes before the bell does, and by the way, welcome back. We have all missed you.” A boy named Ryan said as he walked towards me, smirking. He had the gray football jacket on and the same annoying smirk that all the cocky jocks in my stupid high school had, including Mason, but he was different.
I closed my eyes, inhaled deeply then exhaled. I held back my tears and the urge to lash out at him. I started to walk towards the door in his direction when Mason held my hand swiftly and made me turn to look at him.
“Let him go.” I narrowed my eyes and looked at him.
“I was just going to walk out the door,” I hissed as I yanked my arm free and walked towards the bathroom.
I watched my tears run down my cheek then drop in the sink. I looked up and stared at myself in the mirror. I looked at my blonde-gray shoulder-length hair, my skin that wasn’t light enough or dark enough to fit in any specific race. My piercing blue eyes that I always thought were the most beautiful things but now I couldn’t even look at them for more than a second.
“I’ve always thought you’re kind of weird but after what you got suspended for, I now know that you are definitely weird,” A familiar voice said to me. I quickly bent down to wash my face then turned to find her right behind me. Kayla Smith. She was the other definition of a perfect looking human being. With the perfect shade of brown hair, bright brown eyes, evenly tanned skin; she was everyone’s dream.
Kay always stood by me. It's impossible to not see how much she loved and cared about me, unfortunately. She might be the locally famous drama queen, but she was my loyal drama queen. I went through the motions when it came to loving her because I never trust that anyone wants to stay, but she did. And she continues to. I finally saw it. I see it now. It was pretty calm in the beginning, it was easy to stay then. But it got crazy in high school, and she still stayed. She stayed.
“Do you really want to speak in front of everyone? Must be scary,” She said as she redid her make-up. She was applying her mascara now.
“The vice-principal gave me no choice, Kay.” I told her, staring at her reflection in the mirror.
“You should talk to Mason though, he’s outside the bathroom worried.” She was staring at me through the mirror. Silence filled the room as I stared back at her.
“He thought I was going to fight Luke in class today.”
“Can you blame him? He just wants you to get better.” She said, sounding concerned. She had stopped doing her make-up and was now facing me.
“That’s where you all are wrong, I am not sick!” I told her as I walked out the door, banging it behind me.
I ran out through the door, into the almost empty hallway, past a few students, past Mason and straight towards the main door. I just wanted to leave. I pushed the door open but the minute it opened, a loud siren rang and in no time, my school’s security guards had surrounded me.
“You cannot just walk in and walk out whenever you want darling, we’re smarter than that now after your little scene.” the Vice-Principal said emphasizing the words little scene, from behind me as I turned to face her. The security guards were closing in around me and her, all the students in the hallway had gathered around too, some were even walking out of their class to see what the alarm was for, which was still ringing.
Sometimes, my heartbeat is so shallow, I doubt that my heart is beating at all. Then sometimes, my heartbeat is all I feel. Not just the pounding of my heart on my chest but the sound of my heartbeat filling my ears, running through my blood vessels, drowning out all the noises around me. I could feel my heart thumping, pulsing in my body. It was getting uncontrollable. I want to escape. Why won’t it stop?
I couldn’t recognize anyone’s voice; I couldn’t tell who was calling my name. I wasn’t able to make out their faces, I tried blinking hard a couple times to regain focus, but with every blink, it got worse. The rest of my body felt alienated from my heart, and all I could hear and feel was my heartbeat. Just my heartbeat.
CHAPTER TWO : THE CRACK IN MY GLASSHOUSE.
White ceiling. White walls. White bright lights. I was laying on my back, with a green blanket over me. There was a half-empty glass on the right side of my bed and a couple of medical pills next to it.
I heard the door open and I turned to look at who was walking in. I sighed as I sat up.
“You really can’t go a day without making a scene, can you?” The vice principal said as she approached my bed. Behind her was the principal and Mrs. Cornelia.
I stared at all of them. Mrs. Cornelia’s glasses that were resting on the bridge of her nose, The vice’s black pants suit and then my school principal’s soft face and flowered dress. She walked up to my bed and took my hand in hers. She rubbed her soft hands gently on mine.
“You don’t have to do the speech, if it makes you want to run away.” She said, still rubbing my hands and occasionally looking at me.
“She’ll never learn her lesson if you treat like a child.” Mrs. Cornelia said sternly as she moved to the front of my bed, glaring at me. The vice principal then moved to the left side of my bed. They were now surrounding me again.
“I agree, she needs to learn that you can’t just beat someone up that bad and expect to come back and everything is all flowers and rainbows!” The vice principal said, staring at me. There was something about the depth and the strength of her voice that always caused chills to run down my spine.
“I didn’t touch him.” I spat out, looking at the white wall behind Mrs. Cornelia.
“You’re going to stick to that story, Ms. Winter?” The vice principal questioned me. I just nodded.
They all looked at me, then walked out. I just want to go home.
I didn’t touch him. It’s as simple and as complicated as that. I’ve tried to understand it myself but I can’t grasp what happened between us that evening. Don’t get me wrong, I remember every little detail vividly; from seeing him in the classroom where it all happened to when I ran away to hide which might have indicated that I’m guilty, but what exactly am I guilty of? I didn’t touch him, he was the one who had me up against a wall.
The nurse then walked in to dismiss me for lunch. She stood a couple feet away from me, with her arms crossed and her face resting; mostly to be professional but she was hiding what she felt inside.
“Here are some pills to help with your headaches, and I’d advise you to see a psychologist or go to therapy for your anger issues.” She said, as she placed the pills on the floor and walked out the minute she was done with her advice. I refrained from rolling my eyes. As exhausted as I was with everyone treating me like I was sick, I still decided I had enough energy to deal with people, so I got up.
I walked into the noisy cafeteria. There were students in a single file waiting for lunch, the rest were at different tables, enjoying their lunch, enjoying their time with friends. I walked past tables, past the table right in the middle of the cafeteria, with all the athletes, including Mason and Kayla. They were all laughing at something Logan and some other jocks had said. It felt foreign walking past the table but I still hung my head down and ignored all the feelings of nostalgia that were threatening to strangle me as I looked for a table to sit at. I sat at an empty table at the back and took out my lunch. It was a sandwich, my favorite sandwich; Teriyaki chicken on toasted bread with lettuce and tomatoes. I took a bite and savored every single taste as each flavor clashed in my mouth. This was probably the most happiness I was going to get all day, I thought as I devoured every last bit of it. I got up to leave when I was done, just to be blocked by Luke and his friends.
“Move!” I told them as I tried to push past them.
“What will you do, beat us up?” Luke asked as he laughed and high-fived his friends. Slowly, people started walking towards our direction. I was facing the whole cafeteria and Logan had his back towards them. I started to feel my heartbeat race in my chest.
“I didn’t touch Logan!” I cried. In the crowd, I saw Mason staring at me. Not in anticipation like everyone else, but eyes that reflected love. He gave me a small smile and motioned for me to walk towards him. I kept my eyes on him as I walked straight to him. I didn’t look at anyone else, I just walked into his arms for a hug. His lemongrass and raspberry scent filled my nostrils as I felt my heartbeat begin to slow down.
“So, you’re not going to beat me up? Since when did you stop being a monster?” I heard Luke demand from behind me. He hadn’t moved. I froze in position before letting go of Mason.
I was now staring at him. I clenched my fists as I felt a fire rise up inside me. I felt my temperatures rising, as blood rushed in my veins. All I could hear was my heartbeat and the word monster. I could feel every part of my body come together, then fall apart. I froze for one second, then felt lighthearted the next. I felt alive for a second, then numb the next. I could feel every single blood vessel of mine circulate blood as if power was flowing through them. Suddenly, a surge of energy rushed through my body and the next thing I knew was, I was screaming and for a second, time stopped. Before Luke and all the tables and chairs and food went flying in different directions in the room. All the other students, including Mason behind me, were right where they were before the chaos.
I looked at everyone. All the students in the cafeteria were retreating slowly, still looking at me, some even had their phones recording me. I looked around, food was splattered on the walls, tables and chairs were strewn everywhere on the ground and there was Luke. He tried to get up, but he couldn't. He was wincing in pain as he coughed uncontrollably. I ran to his aid, but he spat on me.
“You. Are. A. MONSTER!” He screamed as he gripped his left rib and followed it with a loud ear-piercing scream.
I turned to look at everyone, then Mason. We locked eyes for a second before he ran towards me and dragged me out of the cafeteria, out of the school doors into his car and out of the school compound. The school door alarms were ringing. Mason couldn’t grip his steering wheel properly because he was shaking. I was terrified. Not only because of what had happened but because of what I had done. I was terrified of myself. I might actually be a monster.
CHAPTER THREE : HIS ROSE, MY DAISY AND THE THORNS.
“Are we going to sit here in silence for the rest of our lives, or will you explain to me what just happened?” Mason said as he turned his whole body to face me.
We were sitting on the verge of a high cliff, facing the whole city with a two-way street behind us. Mason’s car was a couple of inches down the street from where we sat.
“I didn't hurt him, I didn’t touch him.” I cried, turning to face him. He placed a hand on my cheek, and I rested my head on his hand.
“I know, but do you know what happened? Do you have any answers?” he asked, so softly you could feel the tenderness in his voice. I just shook my head while I looked straight into his eyes.
“It’s the same thing that happened with Logan.” I told him after a while. He was still staring at me. His eyes cried for answers.
“I do not know what happened then, or what happened with Luke, and my parents won’t talk about it.” I said, shifting my face to look forward.
“What about my dad, he studies all this unnatural stuff, he might help.” Mason said, still in the same position we were in.
“I don’t want to drag anyone into this,”
“You’re not dragging anyone if they are willing to go with you.” He said before getting up and helping me to my feet.
“Let’s go see my dad. Besides, he loves you.” He pointed out, opening the passenger car door for me before going to the driver's seat. The whole ride, I looked out my window while he gently rubbed my knee as he drove.
We spend a great chunk of our lives trying to know things; trying to understand theories, laws, life and so many things that we seek to know. It makes you feel powerful, doesn’t it? Knowledge is power, right? I hate being in the dark, I hate not understanding things, but I fear knowing too much, I fear understanding things too well because sometimes knowledge is cursed. Sometimes, wanting to know things makes you dedicate your whole life to trying to understand what you believe is true to the point where fully understanding something becomes a thin line between insanity and comprehension. And suddenly, you're not sure if you are insane or you finally comprehend what you always wanted to.
“So, you say this has happened twice?” Damon Baker asked, still looking at his shelf of books with his back facing us. He hadn’t looked at us once, not even when we walked in. Not even when we told him what happened. I nodded anyway.
We were standing side by side in the middle of his home office, while he stood behind his desk. The lights were dim, and he had a bunch of books strewn on his desk, old and rough-looking. I scooted closer to Mason and he put his arm around me.
“Mason, do you want to get me something to drink? Leave her here.” Mason’s dad said, finally turning to face us. Mason looked at me for a second then left.
“I knew Mason always saw something in you, and he didn’t disappoint.” He said, walking slowly to the front of his desk as he smiled. He stood a couple of inches from me. I squinted my eyes at him in confusion.
“You’re a real gold mine, Isla, people called me crazy when I studied these books, saying you no longer exist, that people like you were all killed 16 years ago, but boy, were they wrong.” He stated, still smiling at me.
“What do you mean by gold mine? And that people like me were killed 16 years ago? What...what do you mean?” I asked, moving closer to him.
“I don’t think you need to know everything now but if you stay a while, you’ll know more than enough.” He uttered as he stood up to meet me in the middle, his height towering over me.
I turned when I heard the doorknob turn but not open. Then there was pushing against the door, then banging on the door. All this time, Mr. Baker didn’t attempt to open the door.
I walked towards the door to let Mason in, when he grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him.
“He doesn’t have the answers you seek.” He whispered to me, still holding my hand.
“Give me a reason to stay then.” I said, attempting to free myself but to no avail.
“One, because I have answers and two, because 16 years ago, every child born of your circumstances was killed, so if they find out you’re alive, you will be killed.” He hissed at me with no sign of sympathy. Mason was now screaming his dad’s name as he banged the door. I just stared at him, horrified.
“Let Mason in, please!” I begged him.
“Your mum and a couple other women in prison, were impregnated by some officers against their will. They took chemicals to kill you before they gave birth but instead it made you unnatural.” He had let my hand go and was walking around me as he spoke.
“Now all this was discovered the minute you were given birth to, and after a couple of hours, you were all deemed as harmful and we killed you all. Well, at least we thought we did.” He finished this sentence the minute he showed up right in front of me.
I had nothing left to say. I was staring at him, while he smirked down at me. Mason was still banging on the door, yelling his father’s name.
“So, why am I getting all these surges? All of a sudden, if I was born like this, why now?” I asked, it sounded more of a fear remark than a curious one. He just walked back to his desk, and sat down in his chair, and looked at me.
“I can see why Mason is head over heels in love with you. You have this intricate aura that keeps you wanting more, that’s why your so-called mother kept you.” He stated.
It was dead silent in the room. Mason had stopped banging on the door, my heartbeat felt shallow and slow. My mind was in a labyrinth of confusion from the information just given to me. I couldn’t move, I hardly felt my lungs fill up with air, I was shaking, it wasn’t cold or anything. I was just scared.
BAM! I heard a loud bang, followed by pieces of wood flying across the room and Mason running in and surveying the room before stopping next to me and fixing his gaze on his dad. I hadn't moved. Not when the loud bang pierced through the silence, not when the pieces of wood came flying into the room.
I should be dead. That’s all I could think about.
“Mason, you need to control yourself, she is just a normal girl and you don’t want to scare her off, now do you?” He cunningly said not taking his eyes off me.
“Is that what you believe?” Mason questioned as he placed his hand on my lower back.
“Is that why you’re in love with her?” Damon shot back, now turning to look at his raging son.
“I’m taking her home, I think she’s dealt with enough rain for the day,” Mason sighed, as he turned to leave.
“I am not who she should be worried about.”He shot back, as I started to follow Mason, who stopped, turned back and fixed his eyes on his father.
“If you won’t cooperate, Mason, it’s going to rain fire.” He warned, before turning to look at his books once again.
We walked out of the room, out of the house and into Mason’s car. None of us said a word to each other, no looks were exchanged, no feelings were explained, no touch was felt. He didn’t rub my knee in the reassuring way he always did. He fixed his gaze on the road and both his hands on the steering wheels. I glanced at him for a second. He was clenching his teeth and his arms were wrapped tightly on the wheel. He didn’t look at me all the way back to my house. How was I supposed to tell him?
We sat in my driveway for more than ten minutes. Mason said nothing, did nothing. I had my legs up on the chair, folded with my arms and head resting on my knees, facing Mason. He didn’t even glance at me. He still had his arms around the steering wheel. I decided I was going to give him a minute to just go through what he was going through then tell him the news. Then he can run away and let me deal with my tornado of chaos. He wasn’t ready for this storm.
I turned to face the window and looked at the tiny garden next to my driveway. There were our flowers that we planted last year. His was now a bush of red roses and mine was a bunch of white daisies. They’ve been alive for a year now.
***
“I think it’s refreshing to try something new.” Mason said as we walked out the front door with different tiny flower plants in our hands.
My mum was right behind us, carrying various garden tools. I set the plants on the ground and moved to let Mason set his next to mine. My mum stood and watched us with a questioning look. My mum was pale white. She would tan in the summer but not much difference was made. She was really tall, had beautiful brown hair with golden and blonde highlights resting on her shoulders. She had ocean blue eyes which always popped due to the warm tones of eyeshadow colors that she wore.
“You do know you have to dig holes in the ground for the plants to grow?” She said, with a bright smile and almost a laughing voice.
“That’s as much as I’m doing, I really don’t want to plant flowers.” I told her.
“Well baby, you have no choice but to plant at least one flower, most normal teenagers love helping out with chores.” She said as she placed the tools on the ground and walked into the house.
“I think this will be fun, but you need to get rid of that attitude, for me please?” Mason said, bending over to start planting. I just nodded as I went down to my knees to start the task.
“Who in the world picks daisies as their favorite flower?” Mason exclaimed as we carefully tucked in the last flower in the soil.
“People who are normal and think roses are overrated!” I clapped back.
“You’re not normal, one, and two, roses represent love, and who doesn’t think love is beautiful?” Mason asked me as he took out the gloves and sat down facing the flower bed.
“You know roses have thorns, right? And thank you for reminding me yet again that I’m not normal, like people in school don’t tell me that enough.” I snapped, sitting next to him.
“Well, sometimes love is painful, and it hurts and it’s rare, but that doesn’t make it any less beautiful or unwanted. I think...I think you’re my rose.” Mason answered as he put his arm around me, and I rested my head on his shoulder .
“I love daisies because they symbolize innocence and purity and loyal love. I always feel like I need to be one.” I said softly.
“I like you better as a rose, all prickly and stuff.” He said then we both laughed as I playfully punched him.
Sometimes we stay with people because they say the right things and make us feel good. Sometimes we stay with people that do unusual things for us. But the ones we stay with the longest are the ones who make us feel safe, who make us feel wanted, who make us feel at home, and make us feel like we can be ourselves. Mason never failed to make me feel that way.
I turned to look at him. He was still stuck in the same position. “Mason, I need to...” I started because he cut me off.
“I promised myself that I would protect you from any of the school bullies and even the teachers, I just didn’t think that I would have to protect you from my own father.” He blurted out as he rested his head on top of his hands that were still attached to the steering wheel.
“Mason, your dad isn’t the bad guy.” I whispered to him.
“How can you even say that?!” He yelled as he lifted his head up to look at me. “While you were locked in that room with my dad and none of you would let me in, all I could think of is how I’m going to die if I lose you, and how all this is my fault and how much I hate my father: I can’t even start to explain what it felt to be locked out and not know what was going on, I thought he was going to kill you, or you were just going to leave me, or he was going to destroy you, or you were going to do something that would hurt me and I didn’t know what else to do. Why didn’t you open the door for me?” He finally finished his rant. His face was full of worry and he looked like he was scared, for the first time. I couldn’t muster up enough or any courage at all to tell him. He’ll lose his mind. He’ll lose it.
“We didn’t hear you knock, sorry.” I lied.
“So, what do you mean that my dad isn’t the bad guy, who is the bad guy?” he asked as he looked at me awaiting an answer.
CHAPTER FOUR : HAVING A THRONE AND NO FAITH.
“Everything okay in there, darling?” My mum startled us from outside the car window. We both jumped in our seats and I turned to look at her peeping through my window. I lowered it and offered a little smile and nodded.
“It’s okay if you were arguing, all couples do that, just don’t let that break you up, I already have names for your kids, okay? I’ll go prepare dinner. Isla, of course you can help anytime, and Mason you’re welcome to join us for dinner.” She said as she walked into the house. How is she able to act like I’m a normal human being?
“Do you want me to stay for dinner?” Mason asked me.
He’s scared, I’m terrified. I’m lost, he’s frightened. I know he’s blaming himself. I know he thinks I blame him. I blame myself; I only blame myself. I am a monster. I am the monster that he should be afraid of, not his dad.
“Yes please.” I replied, looking at him. He opened his door and walked into my house. I was still in the car watching him walk in. He always opens the door for me. He’s never forgotten to do that, I thought as I let myself out. I broke my daisy.
“It’s almost summer break, any plans for the summer?” My mum asked as she finally sat down after setting the table.
I was seated next to Mason, and opposite us was my dad and mum. My dad was a hard worker. He worked late most nights, he was hardly home, but his fruits were visible. We lived in a beautiful glass home full of all the things money could buy. I didn’t know much about him. I didn’t know what he did, how he met my mum, or proposed. He was a distant lover. He loved me with gifts and beautiful goods from all over the world. He was as good as a secret Santa to me.
“I’ll probably be in summer school at this rate.” I moaned as I reached out to grab the jug of water across the table. Does she have no idea what happened in school today?
“I wouldn’t worry about that, you’ve been cleared to attend school tomorrow.” My dad said, not looking at me.
“Wait, what?” Mason and I asked simultaneously. Mason with a mouth full of food.
“You can go to school tomorrow, you’re not in trouble.” he said, still not looking at any of us.
“How is that possible though, they suspended her the last time?” Mason questioned my dad.
“It’s all clear now, you can go to school tomorrow. I explained what happened and your principal and vice agreed to let you return to school like every normal student, but please can you control your anger, I can’t keep saving you.” He said, in a tone that suggested that any follow up questions would not be answered.
“So, about the summer?” My mum asked shortly after an awkward silence.
“We have a couple of tickets for different concerts that we are planning to go to, we might go to the school camp in the middle of summer and also we have been planning a road trip.” Mason answered respectfully.
“You should try to get a job like every normal teenager, and you know, maybe stop depending on dad a lot.” My mum said, smiling and pointing at my father who was now looking at his phone.
Normal. The most overused word in this household. I always thought they used that word to make sure I don't believe the voices of all my fellow students. That they said that to me, to remind me that I am normal and I should not think otherwise, but now I see it was just for me to blend in. They always used that word to give me expectations of what I need to be or do as a normal person. They knew I wasn’t and all this time they were just trying to fix me. If I hear that word one more time....
“What jobs though, I don’t know what job I would like, I don’t want to spin signs, or make ice-cream or work in a coffee shop or fry things, none of those jobs appeal to me.” I said right before I took a bite of my mum’s spaghetti and meatballs.
“You can do anything really, like being a photographer, or a DJ, or a designer, for clothes or something like that. Just be a normal teenager.” My mum casually said, glancing at me then at her plate, and finished off by taking a bite of her food. I got up, pushed my chair back in and looked at them. They were all looking at me.
“Don’t you dare say that I’m normal or pretend that I am because I god damn know that I’m not. Everyone does now! And don’t bother coming up with a lie or a cover up story for who I am because Mason’s dad told me everything, and if I was you I would be worried and doing something before it’s too late because he didn’t seem happy that you kept me to yourself, when you should have killed me sixteen years ago!” I yelled before learning to breathe again.
I felt oxygen move slowly into my body, through my nasal cavity and linger there for a while. I had to breathe in repeatedly to push it into my trachea, and kept breathing in until air filled my lungs, slowly. I could feel its snail speed motion as it crawled down my trachea, past each c-cartilage into the next. When it finally reached my lungs, it seemed to have stopped for a while as it wondered where to go. I really had no control over what was happening. I felt light-headed and suddenly I went tumbling down. I had probably fainted, but I was alive inside. The air had stopped, and my heartbeat was picking up pace. The sound filled my ears, filled my blood vessels and my brain. It was pounding with so much power that I thought I would break from the sound and energy. The pounding was all I could hear and feel, then in a second, my brain remembered what to do and the air rushed into my blood vessels and so much energy was felt as oxygen was spread throughout my body and everything started to work like normal. I can’t believe I almost forgot to breathe. I think I almost died.
CHAPTER FIVE : FIFTY SHADES OF BLOOD AND NIGHTMARES.
“She’s awake, honey; she’s opening her eyes.” I heard faintly. That's my mum’s voice for sure. I struggled for a while to open them but I finally did and I realized that I was in my bed with both my parents in the room.
“Where’s Mason?” I asked, still looking around the room, hoping he’d show up.
“We asked him to leave. Now get some sleep, you seem exhausted.” My dad said, leaving no room to argue or ask any more questions. He gestured to my mother to leave the room and he turned the lights off once he stepped out after her. I lay awake staring at the ceiling. I hated this.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
I was woken up by banging on my window before letting Mason in my car who squeezed me in a hug.
“How long have you been here?” He asked, finally letting me go.
“Since school started.” I replied distractedly as I tried to wake up fully.
“I’m pretty sure when they asked you to go to school, they meant attend class, not sleep in your car in the parking lot.”
“Since when did you start being on their side?” I asked as I stared at him intently and quite frankly, a little shocked.
“They saved your life Isla.” Mason said as he stretched his hand to feel my hair. I followed his hand movements with my eyes as he stared at me.
“I want to see your dad.” I spat out.
“No.”
“I’m not asking for permission Mason; I am going to see him.”
“I don’t think he is the person you should be seeking answers from.”
“He’s the only one willing to give them, okay? I tried to ask my dad and all he said was he’ll get me a therapist to deal with my anger issues. I literally have those issues because of these issues, and he won’t tell me anything.” I cried.
“Maybe it’s for the best, what if you find out something about yourself that you don’t like or will change your life forever?”
“I think that ship sailed a long time ago.” I said to him before jumping forward to the driver’s seat, starting the car and driving with him in the backseat. I could feel his eyes on me, and once in a while, I would look at him through the rear mirror at him but offer no expression. I don’t think he understood what I had to do. I slowed down as I made it to his house.
“Your dad reads way too many books.” I groaned from the floor, when he walked into the mess of scattered books on the floor. He had two cups of juice and handed me one before sitting down next to me.
“Well, you know how to be incognito.” He said laughing as he swept his hand over the mess.
“You know how messy I can be,” I said smiling back then looking at him.
“And it only gets worse I’m afraid.” He said laughing before taking a big swig of his juice before looking at me happily, causing me to smile.
“You think we’ll ever go back to being normal?” Mason asked with a slight smile on his face.
“I don’t think I ever was normal.” I told him before bending over to look at some other books away from him.
“You know what I mean.” Mason breathed out, but I didn’t answer him or look at him. He sighed before I heard him get up and I turned to watch him walk to a cabinet of books. He looked at the books for a second before taking one out.
“I know you hate to read, but would it hurt you to do it just once?” He joked, causing me to smile as he pointed to a label “Minacious.” Mason walked over to me, helped me up before walking me to his dad’s chair. He pulled it out and tucked me in before standing next to me. I mouthed thank you and kept staring at him as he offered me the same full bright smile he always has before kissing me on my forehead and lingering there for a while. I had my eyes closed the entire time even seconds after his warm embrace left mine.
“I can’t wait for all this to be over.” Mason said, prompting me to open my eyes, before sighing and starting to look through the pages of the book.
“This process would hurt more if I knew what minacious means.” I joked as I glanced at Mason for a second before turning to look at the book again.
“Well it means... stop! Right there.” He started explaining before commanding me to stop turning the pages. He started running his finger slowly as I looked at him. He kept glancing at me but would keep reading.
“How did you know which book exactly, and ...” I began but stopped mid-sentence.
I watched his face drop and his breaths shorten. He started to breathe faster and finally slammed the book shut before looking at me.
“I don’t think we should be here, let’s go.” He said before getting up to return the book and clearing the mess I had left on the floor.
“Mason, come on, you can tell me. Have you read that book before?” I asked from the chair as he hastily put all the books back.
“Let’s go.” He said just as the door opened revealing his dad. Mason’s dad's eyes bounced between the both of us before he stopped at Mason.
“You brought her back here again?” He questioned Mason who was squirming at his sight and was breathing heavily. I stood up and started to walk towards Mason as his father shifted his gaze towards me.
“I think you know that I’m the only one who can help you Isla, I’ve always loved you and you know that, I am not hiding anything from you, your parents are, ask them what they did to your mum, and plan to do with you.” He snickered, not taking his eyes off me.
“What did they do to my real mum?” I asked slowly before looking at Mason. Mason wiped a tear from his eyes, before glancing at me and shaking his head towards his father.
“As Mason has indicated, I don’t think it is my story to tell, but go ask them, and when you feel like you can’t trust them, especially your dad, come and stay with Mason and I.” He said.
“The storm is coming, Isla, and there’s not many people on your side.” He continued.
I looked at his face one more time, before my breathing started to shorten, and I started to breathe much faster as my heart struggled to pick up the pace. I closed my eyes before I felt my whole body shut for a second, then woke up the next second bursting with electric charges. I felt my blood run through my veins like charged electricity. Mason was standing next to me and his father stood a couple of feet away both staring at me, before it happened. I closed my eyes and felt a wave of wind, electricity and power get out of me and into the room displacing every single thing in the room, throwing everything on the opposite side, sweeping Damon off his feet to hit a wall on the other side of the room. His tables, books, and trophies were strewn on the floor. His glass windows were shattered, his trophies and prized possessions were all broken on the floor. I lifted my hand to place it on my chest when Mason stopped me.Mason hadn’t moved. Mason hadn’t been affected by anything. He looked at me with the same look everyone in school gives me.
I ran out of the room into the hallway and stopped. His paintings that were hung on the wall were on the floor, some doors were on the floor, or hanging on the last bolt, and with that I ran out of the house into the car. I gripped the steering wheel and looked at my shaking hands, with teary eyes, before turning to look at Mason’s house once more and breaking into tears on my steering wheel. I slowly lifted my tear-stained face and turned my head to the direction of where I heard footsteps coming from. Mason stood outside the passenger seat window before I nodded him in. He opened the door and looked at me. His eyes gave away a 3D view of how tired his soul was. He gripped the door tighter to prevent his hands from noticeably shaking but that didn’t stop his tears from falling down.
“I’m going to leave now.” I whispered in between short breaths before starting the car.
“Where will you go?” He asked.
I shrugged before wiping a tear that escaped and looking straight forward. I turned to strap my belt, before I heard the door shut. I would leave me too. I paused for a second, still looking at the opposite side, before taking in a deep breath and strapping myself and seeing Mason seated on the passenger seat, watching me.
“What about your dad?” I asked, still confused as to why he would stay.
“Just drive.” He said and looked out his window away from me.
I stared at the back of his head. His little hairs on his neck, his black hood resting on his back, and his hands folded in front of him.
“What did you see in that book, Mason?” I questioned as he turned slowly to face me, and wiped his whole face with his hands before exhaling softly.
“Enough to know that I could lose you at any moment,” he softly whispered.
I hate solving puzzles. It’s little pieces and more pieces that don’t serve any purpose when alone but together they are meant to show you a bigger picture. When solving a puzzle, it’s frustrating to solve it. To find out what piece fits where, and which side those pieces belong in order to create the image desired. When you're done, an exhilarating feeling washes over you and you feel a certain calmness, like a warm fall evening breeze because it’s finally done. Mason sees me that way. I suppose he thinks I’m just another puzzle we’ll solve together and the ending will be exciting and another victory for us. He’s not wrong; I am a puzzle, but the ending won't be beautiful, that much I know. If you ask me, I am the first puzzle to be a pain from the beginning to the end, ask the guys who tried to kill me when I was born.
CHAPTER SIX : A LITTLE HOPE IN THE TOMBS.
I think I’m going to die. I don’t think I’ll survive this, I say to myself over and over again. It’s been three hours since we left Mason’s house. The police and the government are probably looking for me right now and Mason’s dad, who was the closest person to be called an ally, probably hates me. I knew I had it pretty bad but that wasn’t the worst thing happening to me at the moment. What could be worse than a possible life- threatening ordeal? Someone else's life is being put in danger as well. Someone you love.
Mason. Mason was someone who made me feel things I couldn’t comprehend. How can a boy make me feel like the stars are aligning in my very hands? How can a boy make me feel like the moon’s tide is rising with me whilst the sun sets into the horizon at the same time. And all he ever did was look at me. How can he come into my life and make me feel like I’m the only person that matters? And how can he do that for me and not I for him?
“Mason, how’s your dad?” I staggered. No answer.
“Mason, how’s your dad?” I repeated. Silence. I turned to look at him.
“Mason....” A bright white flashlight threatening to blind me from my side caused me to turn my attention back to the road. I immediately hit the brakes causing Mason and me to barely miss hitting our heads on the car as the sound of screeching brakes filled the air. I saw a grotesque figure walk towards our car and stand by my window. I turned to look at Mason who widened his eyes at me and motioned to my window. I breathed in slowly and let the air out slower. I closed my eyes for a quick second before turning to my window. I stared at his badge “Special Agent, Department of Defense,” it read. I moved my eyes up to meet his. He looked cold. However, he wasn’t wearing a jacket. He had these piercing dark eyes, and an arresting harsh face, with defined features. I swallowed my saliva before slowly reaching out to roll down my window. I stared at his badge one more time before retreating my hand.
“What are you doing?” Mason questioned.
“Hey, open up, I just want to talk.” The officer demanded as he hit my window. I turned to look at his face one more time before shaking my head.
“Miss, I am not going to ask you again, open this door, or I will call for backup.” He “politely” snapped before crashing his fist on to my window. I flinched away from him, before seeing his eyes turn darker as he tried to open the door. I shut my eyes repeatedly as my vision started to blur. I couldn’t concentrate on his badge, or his face. My hands started to tremble as I fumbled with the car keys. My body heat rose and with every breath I felt a new wave of heat flood my veins. This time, I felt it almost happen, so I turned on the car and bolted out of there as fast as I could go. He didn’t even bother chasing us.
It was dead silent in the car. It wasn’t that different than before the whole cop encounter, but the silence was louder now.
“Here’s a motel, let’s stay here for the night.” Mason suggested, pointing to a moderately good-looking building.
“Yeah, umm that’s a good call.” I replied as I turned to park the car outside the motel.
We walked in and got a single hotel room for the both of us and Mason kept walking ahead of me, even when we went into the room.
“There’s two beds, so you pick one and I’ll pick the other one,” Mason said, before dropping himself onto the bed he was standing closest to. I walked over to the other bed and stared at the back of his head for a while.
“Mason, are you mad at me? Because if you are, why did you come?” I finally asked before he sat up and stared at me for a long time. I took in air slowly and let it out as he scrutinized me from my head to my toe. I fiddled with my fingers sub-consciously, but I never took my eyes off him and neither did he.
“I’m not mad Isla, I’m disappointed and infuriated by what you just did. Why did you refuse to open the door for that cop, you had nothing to hide! Running away and not being compliant makes you look guilty.” Mason explained.
“I didn’t know what to do.” I tried to explain back before he brought himself to sit next to me but not looking at me.
“When you do not know what to do, you ask.” He whispered.
“I’m sorry Mason, I should think before I do something.” I apologized before he turned to look at me.
“It’s now hitting you that before you do something, you should think?” He sassed.
“No, I’m just saying that so you’re not mad at me. For your information, I did think before driving off from the officer.” I sassed his arrogant ass back.
“Please, explain that thought process, because I would love to hear it.” Mason mocked.
“I felt like I was going to... get a little destructive.” I admitted to him before turning to face him.
“Mason, I felt like I was going to explode, and I know you’ve had enough of those, so I drove off.” I explained further while he narrowed his eyes at me.
“You felt it?” He asked.
“Yeah, I did, I can’t expla...” I started before he cut me off.
“So, you normally feel the... thing before it happens?”
“It’s not that easy to explain but yeah, I do.”
“So why do you do it, when you can feel it and can possibly stop it?” He said as he got up and stood right in front of me, towering over me.
“It’s not that easy,” I argued back.
“It’s easy, don’t say it isn’t Isla, when will you learn that not everyone is against you just because it seems that way?” He cried.
“I can’t help it.” I said, before wiping a tear from my cheek and standing up.
“You should, because I almost lost the only parent I have.” Mason said before walking over to his bed and plopping his whole body on it.
I stared at him with his eyes closed for a second before lying on mine too. I stared at the low ceiling before heading over to the switch to turn off the lights. Mason had his eyes closed and was breathing normally.
“Just so you know, I would never do anything to hurt you.” I whispered.
“So why does it feel that way?” He responded.
“I never asked you to come with me, you could have stayed. You should have stayed.” I screamed at him.
“It’s not me, I'm afraid of you hurting.” He said softly before turning to his side, facing away from me.
“I love you Mason, I hope you know that.” I whispered so softly I could barely hear it myself before turning off all the lights.
*************************************************************
“It’s your first big game as high school sophomores, how do you feel?” Kay asked the boys on the table as she sat next to me.
We were in the cafeteria, seated on the table placed in the middle of the room. We were easily at the top of the social status among other sophomore students, the football players and the cheerleaders. It was around eight of us, Mason, Kay, Logan, Luke and I included. I was seated next to Mason who had his head resting on my shoulder as I fed him grapes playfully. Some of the boys were on their phones or carrying out different conversations of what they were going to do that weekend.
“I’m pretty excited, to be honest, to play and to see her cheering for me for the first time.” Mason replied as he lifted his head off my shoulder and smiled at me before playfully bumping into me. I smiled and jokingly rolled my eyes at him.
“I always cheer for you, I always have even when we weren’t dating.” I said, turning to look at him smiling as I held his hand under the table causing him to smirk even more.
“Yeah, I know but this time you’ll be in a short skirt and you’ll be opening your legs and stuff and you’ll be close to the field so when we win, you’ll be the first face I find and hug and kiss.” Mason replied as I gave him a playful eye-roll.
“Well, which is the second face that you’ll kiss?” Luke laughed, joining in the conversation as he sent kissy faces to Mason.
“Yours baby, you know that.” Mason flirted back before sending him a kissy face back.
“Can we please, for the 100th time, have normal conversations.” I interjected before letting out a small laugh.
“You’re one to ask for normal things, Isla Winter. Let's start with your names then move to your hair color and eyes. How come you never tell us anything about those ‘normal things’.” Logan interrupted with the question of the year, putting air quotes around the words normal things.
“I told you and will continue to tell you as I have for the past two years, I was born like this, okay? So deal with it, Logan.” I said before getting up annoyed to clear my tray and preparing to leave.
“Calm down, it was a question geez, I still think you’re cute and if you weren’t with Mason, I would be trying to get it with you again.” He defended himself before finishing off with a light smirk and a fist-bump from Luke.
“Me too, hun.” Luke agreed with him. I sneered at both of them and walked away with my tray before dumping it all into the trash can and exiting the cafeteria to go to class.
“You know they were joking, right?” Mason said as he sat down next to me in class. I turned to look at him with tired eyes before he stretched his hand to slowly caress my cheek and I leaned in.
“It’s been two years Mason; I don’t know how many of his ‘you don’t look normal’ jokes I can take.” I complained before gently taking his hand off me and I watched his eyes drop as he struggled to look at me.
“They’ve never gotten to you until recently, what changed? You used to be fine with the jokes, you even joined in sometimes.” Mason interrogated as he searched my face for answers.
“Everyone says it nowadays, it makes it harder for me not to believe it.” I replied.
“But being different is a good thing. It should scare you if you’re the same as everyone else.” Mason reasoned.
“I guess we all have different fears, don’t we?”
“Well, they all think you’re pretty and you’re beautiful, so you can focus on that instead.”
“And somehow, that even makes it even harder to.” I smiled pitifully in his direction just as the teacher walked into the classroom and we both faced forward.
In the middle of the class lesson I turned to look at Mason who was focused on the teacher. I lay my hands on the desk and rested my head on them as I looked at Mason. He was chewing on his teeth, a behavior he always had. He opened his notebook and started writing down something before tearing it off and writing something on top of it and handing it to me with a smile.
Daydreamer, it read at the top causing me to blush.
You’re pretty normal to me, you don’t listen in class and you fail a couple of classes, if not all. You stare at a boy you really like and lucky for you, he is madly in love with you. Isla, I am sorry I didn’t stand up for you in front of my friends. If it bothers you that much, it definitely gets to me. I hope you are still planning on attending my game, because you’re the only person who shows up for me. I guess you kind of have to, now that you are a cheerleader. You are going to hate it but thanks for doing that for me. Now concentrate.
I smiled at every word written on the note before turning to smile at him. He was already staring at me smiling. We looked into each other’s eyes for a while before he pointed to the teacher and faced forward and I went back to daydreaming.
*************************************************************
I sat up on my bed, stretched and yawned before turning to look at the same boy. He was dead asleep in the bed next to mine. I stared at his closed eyes, and his perfect face; all peaceful and calm in his sleep. He breathed in and out slowly. He looked magically swift and restful, quiet and gentle. I climbed into his bed and started to move pieces of his hair off his face as I slowly moved my hands down his head and onto his neck causing him to slowly and repeatedly open his eyes before finally rubbing them and getting up. I adjusted myself to make room for him and he gazed at me, before pulling me in for a hug. I inhaled his lemongrass, and amber scent as I slowly sunk into his body and felt him rub his hands all over my back and arms before pushing me gently just to kiss me.
I caught my breath for a hot second before our lips parted and we paused for a second and stared into each other's eyes before he moved some of my hair aside and leaned into me once again. This kiss was gentle yet passionate. I felt him press his fit body on mine as his hands roamed from my back to my neck and back to my cheeks. One of my hands rested easily on his thigh while the other gently grasped his cheek. We both pulled out slightly breathless and smiling as our foreheads rested on each other, and our noses slightly touched.
“I just kissed you without brushing my teeth.” I joked, and he let out a little laugh with a gentle wisp of air.
“I’ll go get us toothbrushes and breakfast.” Mason lightly said as he left the bed and started to put on his shirt before walking to the door.
“I’ll come with you to make sure you pick the right toothbrushes and breakfast.” I joked back as I started to walk towards him.
“I think it’s safer for you if you stay here, I won’t be long.” Mason said, opening the door.
I moved a couple of feet back, still looking at him.
“Safer for me, or safer for you and everyone else in the world?” I asked before he mouthed sorry and walked out shutting the door behind. I turned my back from the door and stared into the room.
*************************************************************
I walked into the girl’s cheerleader locker room and looked around and found my mum with Kayla, laughing. I walked over to them, acknowledging and greeting every other girl I came across until I was standing right next to both of them. My mum engulfed me in a hug, then planted a kiss on my head before letting me go. I gave a smile before sitting next to Kayla and looking into the mirror.
“It’s the last cheer game of your junior year! I always get so happy seeing your beautiful face there.” My mum squealed as she ran to stand behind me and started to stretch my curly hair. I had dyed my hair to a full Ombre hair color with highlights, but that didn’t stop my gray-blonde roots from showing.
“And yet she’s so insecure about how she looks and all the boys in this school think she’s beautiful.” Kay laughed out as she started doing her make-up. I turned to look at her before blushing and we both watched my mum’s confused reaction through the glass.
“Well, the boys always say that they would be chasing her if she wasn’t with Mason.” Kay explained to my mum who started grinning as she held my head and patted my hair down.
“Yeah, after they all call me out for not looking normal.” I sighed as I reached out for my hairbrush.
“You don’t believe them, right? Besides, we told you that you get your hair and eyes from your grandma.” My mum defensively said as she stared at me through the glass.
“Yeah, the one you have no pictures of, I think I’m getting a little too old for that lie.” I shot back before rolling my eyes and lightly brushing my hair .
My mum held my hand and silently signaled for the brush and I let her. She loved dolling me up. She brushed up my curls, then straightened them before tying up my hair in a half-up bun. She did my eyeshadow with warm burgundy hues and a colorless lip-gloss with a light pink touch. I looked at myself in the mirror. My gray roots had started to show again. I turned to look at my mum doing Kayla’s make-up. She was doing the same tones on Kayla as she had on. They looked exactly alike. They were both beautiful.
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